Sounds heard frequently from our bedroom these days......

Me:  None of my clothes fit!  I'm FAT!

Bustin:  You're not fat, you're pregnant!

Me:  I can't even get my fat jeans buttoned!

Bustin:  You're not fat, you're pregnant!

Me:  The only shirts that don't look obscene are my Shoreline "local crew" men's XL ones.

Bustin:  You're not fat, you're pregnant!

Me:  Even YOUR clothes aren't fitting anymore!

Bustin:  You're not fat, you're pregnant!

Me:  I'll just go to the store naked!  Do you think anyone would notice?

Bustin:  Wait what?  No Kat, you can not go to the store naked!  In your bathrobe with your slippers and  curlers yes, but NOT naked!

Me:  I don't own any curlers......NOW what am I suppose to wear?

Bustin:  (hangs head down and shakes in defeat........it's going to be a long 5 more months!)

Making friends everywhere I go.....

As per a local burner mom's suggestion I signed up to read a very active Yahoo group called Austin Mama's.  Most days it sends me in a panic about all the things that can very wrong with babies/children.  Some days it's very informative.  Other days it's just a good laugh about the absurdity of having a child. The boys (Bustin & my cousin Paulie who lives with us) just laugh at all my "Did you know that......?" proclamations I make while on my laptop in the living room.
I haven't posted much since I don't have the answers yet to "How do you actually KNOW if there's something up his nose?" or "I think my unborn baby actually cracked my ribs with all the kicking?".  Still I am trying to follow the list and I frequently bookmark the stuff about breast feeding and junk like that since that WILL be my show much sooner then later.  Still I HAVE posted a few answers to crafting/costuming questions that ANY proper Mormon/Drag Queen would know.
So the Mama's get together frequently with and without children in tow for what they call a "GMOOTH" or "Get Mama Out Of The House".    Bustin sent me off to go meet some o these ladies the other night for their yearly holiday cupcake run.  There were 50+ women, all sugared out, having a grand time.  When I'd introduce myself they'd say......"Oh right, you're THAT mama!"  
p.s.  a Mama replied and didn't know what BFF was  
p.s.s.  AP also stands for Attachment Parenting which is the popular dogma & catma to subscribe to these days for parenting your child  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attachment_parenting


Here's my post I made last week:
In need of a decoder ring please......
All groups have their own acronyms. This I know and understand. Well THIS group has pregnancy ones and baby ones and kids ones and mom ones and made up-list ones and Austin ones and and and.....my superpowers are great and wide but figuring out what y'all are talking about most days apparently is not one of them.

Google and Yelp have been my BFFs (see THERE's one I know) since I moved to Austin but have been quite fickle when it comes to you ladies. Maybe you mama's are just SOOOOOO underground that you can't BE tracked? Is there already a list compiled or maybe a better site to be looking up what you're saying then www.acronymfinder.com

Oh and when I get really frustrated I go to urbandictionary.com for a good laugh. Here's what they said SAHM stood for.....Depending on the context, an acronym for either "Stay-At-Home-Mom" or "Shit-Ass-Ho-Motherfucker"! Now THAT made me giggle!

Thanks in advance for a point in a non-clueless direction or any advice given!
As you weird,
~kathasaurus who is going to continue to read this list (even if she doesn't know what you're saying) and keep showin up to your events and infiltrate this Austin subculture even if it kills her! SO THERE! (insert tongue sticking out here!)

p.s. AMY N: I will be showing up to your house at the correct time on Tuesday and getting in someone's van and eatin me some damn cupcakes! (which I did preorder with Terry) =]

p.s.s. I STILL haven't figured out what AP stands for! acronymfinder.com had 245 suggestions none o which sounded appropriate for the 2 posts that used AP yesterday.  I did although, like the suggestion o "Armenian Power" which is a gang in LA!

p.s.s.s. Just in case you're STILL reading this urbandictionary.com says this about AP (advanced placement) which pretty much summed up my high school experience.....a class in which students start off the year with high hopes and it eventually turns into a class full of crying over acheivers with damaged GPAs and emotional scars.
"Mark decided to take AP history but was sent to his school therapist after he realized his GPA dropped a full point."

My mum is bigger than yours!

XTC and our usual suspects put on a "Freak Homecoming Dance" a few weeks ago.  We had a theme and decorations and a DJ and everything!  Here in TX, Homecoming is all about the girl's corsage.  It's called a "mum" and although I'm sure it started out years ago as a real flower corsage, NOW a days they are SO stinkin big and have SO many trickets & do-dads attached that you wear it around your neck with an actual lanyard neck badge thingy.  I wouldn't have believed it but I saw it for myself at Jagger's senior year Homecoming football game we went to a few years back.  They were SO big and the ribbons were SO long that the girl's had to pick them up while they walked up the bleachers so they wouldn't trip.  True story!

We had a craft night and all worked on our mums for the evenings event.  MINE had rhinestones and a half dozen or so glow in the dark dinos in it.  Still you could really honestly tell the for reals Texan girls from us imposter's (ie....those of us who are Canadians, Californians, or Ilinosians no Illinosiers no oh I don't know!) that night.  The Texas girl's mums really did look so much more better-er then ours.  Still mine got points for it's shear size.  It truly was big enough to be the "Mum that ate Austin"!

P.S.  Corset tops are GREAT for boobage that won't fit it any o your party dresses...even if you have to get longer laces and put on a jacket to hide most o your exposed back.  Plus skirts that you took in when you found 'em can just as easily be let back out!  YAY for altering!!!!!

The peoples in the computer say.....

that our wee one is the size on an avocado (4.5 inches and 3.5 ounces) now!  It's heart pumps 25 quarts o blood through it's itty bitty heart each day.  Supposedly if I take a flashlight and shine it into my belly, the baby will move to the other side, which is a novel concept but I haven't tried it yet...maybe when I can actually feel the baby move it'd be more fun.  Oh and I'm suppose to have my pregnancy "glow" now.  Well I certainly don't feel very glowy.  Surly, check!  Glowy, yeah not so much!  I think they lie!

My waist is starting to go bye-bye.  I am just barely making it in my largest jeans and my tshirts are leaning on the obscene side o thangs.  I guess I have to break down and go to the mall and buy some clothes to be seen in public in.  Now to start cruising the maternity section.  Bustin asked me why I just couldn't find a lovely muumuu or dashiki.  REALLY Bustin???  A muumuu???